How to Talk About Using Sex Toys with a Guy?

Talking about introducing a sex toy into the bedroom can often times be a sensitive subject that many women are hesitant to engage in.  Men can oftentimes be overly sensitive and even defensive about introducing a sex toy into the bedroom, often time times due to insecurities on their behalf.  In this article, we will talk about breaking the ice and some ways to get the conversation going about adding a sex toy into the mix.


Reasons Talking about Sex Toys can be a Challenge.

Talking about intimate subjects like sex can often make people uncomfortable, especially in western culture.  Often times men and women have different reasons for being uncomfortable, whether the reason has to do with Ego, Physical Issues, or even a simple fear of the unknown can make many men hesitant to introduce a sex toy.  Let’s dive right in and talk about some of the reasonings and a few ideas on how to overcome these hesitations.


Sexual Inexperience

In society, men are often seen as promiscuous and are given a stereotype as having numerous partners in the past.  Statistically, men on average have 6.3 partners over their lifetime and women have 4.3 partners in their lifetime.  However not all men have the experience to rely on when it comes to sex toys. Women are often times hesitant to bring this up due to not wanting to seem more experienced than their partner.

Our advice on this is simple… Get over it. Nothing is more attractive in a partner than simple confidence, let your partner know what you like.  Adults usually have multiple partners in their life and with those partners, you will learn what turns you on. It’s important to have open communication with your partner and let them know what turns you on.  If this is a bit too direct, don't worry, we have more options further down.

Inflated Ego

Here is an issue we hear about all the time!  We have heard gentlemen say things like “oh we don't need a sex toy” or “I get the job done without”.  To be blunt, men don’t always get the job done, orgasm is often times the most toe-curling when more than one sort of stimulation occurs.  Let your man know that while penetration is great, a bit of clitoral stimulation of even a little anal play would be warmly received.  Be clear that you are looking to elevate your experience and your partner's experience by using sex toys as a way to enhance sex.  Be sure to be encouraging and let them know it’s not due to inadequacy but rather a way to take sex a step further.

Physical Limitations

This is oftentimes one of the most sensible reasons to have hesitations about introducing sex toys to a relationship.  Physical Limitations can be due to a plethora of reasons, disability, physique, or medical issues all can lead to limitations that a sexual aid can help with.  When addressing this sort of limitation, the approach can vary but one thing needs to be constant… empathy.  Remember your partner might be touchy about the particular topic, an example of this would be issued with performance related to obesity.  It’s important to let your partner know that sex is always evolving and adapting, and introducing a toy is a great way to keep the relationship as sexual as ever…. No one ever said sex toys are just for solo use.


Ways to Bring up the Topic of Sex Toys for Couples 

Every situation is different regarding how to bring up the topic of introducing sex toys into the bedroom, here we have a few casual ways to bring up sex toys to test the waters and gauge the reaction.


Watch Porn Together

This suggestion is a really easy way to bring sex toys into the conversation, watch a bit of porn together (find a video where a toy is being used), and suggest something like “We should try that” and see where the suggestion leads.


Give a Dirty Confession

Use your partner as a confidant and let them know about your sex toy fantasy or previous experience with a sex toy.  Gauge the reaction, if the reaction is a positive one, suggest bringing a toy into the mix.  Let your partner think it's just as much their idea as yours.


Be Blunt and Just Ask

Ok, not all men pick up on queues easily, and sometimes the best way to bring up sex toys is to just be blunt and put it out there.  Often times if you just express your desires, you will be surprised to find out how sexually open your partner might be.



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